I'm still getting used to living in a small town. It's not a suburb -- no, not at all -- and I feel confident saying that because Target is too damn far away. One of the fascinating things about living in a small town as compared to our more recent residences (such as New York, Baltimore, and Washington, D.C.) is the local crime report.
Granted, our neighborhood is New York was super safe. But, when crime did happen, it could be pretty spectacular. Or titillating. Or gruesome.
Small town crime reports are something to behold. Truly. To wit, from the local police report:
POLICE: Motorist from Czech Republic sightseeing
A caller reported at 6:41 p.m. on Saturday (April 21) that the car in front of her was traveling below the speed limit, hugging the side of the road and swerving at times. Police followed the car and pulled it over on Booth Hill Road. As it turned out the operator, who had rented the car, was from the Czech Republic, had been in the country for a week, and was sightseeing, taking the long way to Cape Cod.
And this:
POLICE: Suspicious Antifreeze in Driveway
A resident reported to police last week that there was antifreeze in her driveway that did not come from her car. Police said the woman has a very long driveway and has been concerned about recent suspicious activity.
Banditos who leak antifreeze? Now there's a comic book if I've ever heard one. Somebody better call the Justice League! And how do you know, for certain, that it didn't come from your car? I'm pretty sure that I couldn't tell different brands of anti-freeze apart just by sight. Did she taste it or something?
And then there's this one:
POLICE: No trespassing signs stolen
A 49-year-old Jerusalem Road resident, who lives on Straits Pond, reported to police on Monday (April 16) that six of her “no-trespassing” signs were stolen. Apparently, people trespass across her property to get to the pond, police said. In an unrelated incident this past weekend during the Straits Pond cleanup on Saturday, the same homeowner’s father spotted two men collecting trash near the water on his daughter’s property. He called police who went to the scene. The two men, ages 52 and 79, respectively, explained they were part of the cleanup effort sponsored by the Straits Pond Watershed Association, were collecting trash and meant no harm.
Someone stole your signs? Yeah, that's not good, but I have to admire the irony. And if they stole six, exactly how many do you have? 14? 30? Could that be excessive? And then the crazy environmentalists come and attack the trash on your property, keeping the waterfront beautiful -- well, that's just too much.
Can you imagine calling the police on a 79 year old man picking up trash?
Maybe residents of these tiny hamlets 'round here should take a lesson from some Upper East Side parents:
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| via Maria Gorshin/West Side Rag |
You can never be too careful.
4 comments:
Hahahahahaha! Can't wait to visit! Perhaps we will make the police blotter? Stay-cationing family arrested for disturbing the police. Explains local resident, "We were just singing Lady Gaga on the karaoke machine!"
I would not be surprised AT ALL. Definitely an achievable goal!!
"A car with Virginia license plates was noted in driveway of local residence. Owner was told to return to south of the Mason-Dixon line ASAP and to take her terrible accent with her."
I would be so happy if that were true!!!
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