So many things wrong with this...

From a chat on today's Washington Post online, regarding the lobbying industry...

"Our civics teacher in high school told us that there is a secret "fee schedule" that exists in congress that determines the price for different types of legislation. For example, a simple proclamation is relatively inexpensive, but an industry-specific law is very, very costly. I have been trying to obtain a copy of this fee schedule, but have so far been unable to do so. Where can ordinary citizens find out how much their representative charges for their vote?"

Ok, there are really so many things wrong with this statement, it would take way too long to parse it all out. The fact that this was not tongue-in-cheek, but an actual question...by presumably a breathing human being who lives somewhere in Virginia...is truly disturbing. Mockable, laughable, and disturbing...unfortunately it makes me understand a little bit more (more than I want to) about those with whom I stand in line at the voting booth.

Know what tomorrow is?

The day we've been waiting for ALL YEAR. In fact, since November 2000...That wonderful, joyous holiday we call...


FITZMAS.


Merry Fitzmas Eve, everybody!!!

Charm City...and soon to be home sweet home...

More pictures to follow, in good time...Thank goodness the Saturday Night Outing Club doesn't mind a nice drive.

Longest Week Ever

So, we send people into outer space, and NASA can't give them anything more technologically advanced than an egg carton? I mean, seriously....foam?! Please.

Coincidentally, I just happen to be reading a fun summer thriller about that very agency...I love summer reading. Even if I can't go to the beach, I can sit outside on our deck in the 105 degree heat and swelter...all i need is the sand.

Resigned...and yet heartened

I mean, I'm as liberal as the next Mondale supporter, but I think that fighting the impending nomination of John Roberts is futile and impractical. This is assuming, of course, that the French Fry-eating teen and the brief mention in favor of a ban on federally-funded abortion-related counseling are the biggest bombshells we can find on Judge Roberts...sans a neo-con smoking gun, or, say, the malicious and irresponsible outing of an undercover government agent, he looks like the guy.

Seriously, this is not that bad. In fact, it's probably the best solution yet. So, like it or not, and believe me I don't, it's their turn to pick, and I think choosing a candidate who does not ostracize everyone to the left of Tucker is the smartest thing that W's done since giving up blow.

This may cheer those who are still bereft: while in private practice, Roberts represented 19 states that, along with the federal government, sought to break up Microsoft Corporation. So this may work out for the best.

So, let's all take off the whiny hat for a while, and take this for what it appears to be - not the worst of all possible worlds.

For now, anyway...

Psycho-chick

You know, it makes me feel infinitely better to know that I am one of apparently a generation (or more) of woman who have had that psycho-chick feeling and acted on it. Whether it was for a moment, a weekend, or a semester (gulp), it makes me feel better to know that it was all of us, at one time or another...Either stalking the streets of a college town, staring in bar windows, looking for your ex and his new girlfriend, or running to a frat house in the middle of a snow storm, pounding on the door until someone lets you into your boyfriend's room where you wait for him to come home (the next morning, mind you), or what have you...While it's nothing to be proud of, most certainly...we are human. And we were in our early twenties. And probably on antidepressants (or should have been). Being able to look back on that makes you realize that you are so not that girl anymore, and it's hard to remember what it felt like to be her, which can make you sad and yet somehow relieved. And having those moments (weeks, whatever, who's counting?) of idiocy, and living through them and moving past them, and being able to laugh at yourself...well, that's not so bad.

Especially when your husband thinks it's funny too.

Why Can't I Say It?!

Sometimes I feel like I can't be completely honest with people...even people that I love. And to tell you the truth, that kind of drives me crazy.

There are certain things that you just can't say to people, like:

"He is MARRIED. And not to you. So let it go."

"What do you expect? You married a child."

"How come your husband/wife/boyfriend drinks so much?"

"No, that will never change. You're fooling yourself if you think it will."

"You cannot treat mental illness with only diet and exercise."

"I don't care how long we've been friends, you should still send me a thank-you note for that present."

"Your inertia indicates weakness, and is not a virtue."

"Despite his claims to the contrary, he did sleep with that girl that he 'fell in love with' while he was married to you."

And the perennial favorite, "He's just not that into you." I hate to use that one, seeing as it's been abused ad nauseum, but the underlying thought is still wildly appropriate.

Perhaps some would make the case that the people you love are EXACTLY those to whom you can say these things...but I think probably not.

Query

Did you know that my blog is underpriced? You should buy some shares. It would make me feel special.

I find your lack of faith...disturbing.

"'This is how liberty dies -- to thunderous applause.'

So observes Queen Amidala of Naboo as the galactic
senate grants dictator-to-be Palpatine sweeping new
powers in his crusade against the Jedi in the final
"Star Wars" movie opening this week.

It's just one of several lines in "Star Wars: Episode
III -- Revenge of the Sith," that reveal the movie to
be more than just a sci-fi blockbuster and gargantuan
cultural phenomenon.

"Revenge of the Sith," it turns out, can also be seen
as a cautionary tale for our time -- a blistering
critique of the war in Iraq, a reminder of how
democracies can give up their freedoms too easily, and
an admonition about the seduction of good people by
absolute power..."

Read the rest of Dan Froomkin's article
here.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Stupid WB. We TIVO-ed the season finale of Gilmore Girls, but it ran 1 minute long and WB failed to notify "the guide" of the scheduling change...SO WE MISSED THE LAST MINUTE. OF THE SEASON FINALE.

Stupid WB.

Good morning!

Ah, the sweet deliciousness of the Flex Day...the every-other Friday that I have off, because I work 9 hour days the rest of the time. I can swill coffee to my heart's content, do laundry, and watch Buffy and Dawson's reruns. You know, important stuff!

Had a wonderful dinner last night with my friend P and his lovely lady friend K. While our venue of choice was, as P put it, "tragically hip," the miniburgers and Rogue Dead Guy Lager made it well worth the wait. If you're ever in Chinatown in our capital city, I highly recommend Matchbox.

But I digress.

We had quite a busy week, which included a "Mardi Gras in May" dinner hosted by the Competitive Enterprise Institute. I had to listen to Billy Tauzin et al riff on the delights of the free market system, but for $10,000 a table that I didn't have to pay, I was happy to eat, drink, and chat up Republicans. And apparently Quid Nunc himself, the "Reliable Source" for the Washington Post, was in our midst....and I didn't see him!!! I missed my moment.

Perhaps he was wearing one of those mardi gras masks...that would explain it.

The Progeny of the Britster

By request from a far-off land...Some musings about the possible baby names for Childe Federline...

Ruth - Hebrew for "model of righteous convert." You know, in light of Britney's conversion to Kabbalah...dang, that girl's devout.

Aidan, Madison, Kaitlyn, Connor or Taylor/Tyler - Because she's trendy. And yet somehow a follower. And because every kid named Tyler has ADD.

Precious (or something that means "precious" in a foreign language). I don't think I need to explain that one.

Emma Sue, Hayley Lynne, Lilah Belle - Because she's southern (although I probably didn't need to explain that one, either).

I hope it's a girl - I have a feeling she'll get bored with it more quickly if it's a boy. Not sure why, just my gut feeling...Any other suggestions?

Like a kid in the candy aisle of Costco...

There's almost too much to blog about...Britney and
K-Fed and their impending parenthood, the party this
past weekend, my first official
"every-other-Friday-off" (I love my new job!), the
Catholic church electing Dick Cheney (I mean, Cardinal
Ratzinger) pope. To be fair, that's not a perfect
analogy - Dick Cheney tolerates gays. So, I
apologize, Dick, that wasn't an accurate comparison
nor was it very nice.

Groan.

Hung over. Blech. Note to self - EAT SOMETHING next time. Please.

And so it ends.

I've been trying to give myself enough distance so that I can have an appropriate amount of perspective when writing about this subject - the job I left. Well, I waited a week or so, and that's pretty much all the distance I think I'm going to get. So, here goes:

Things I'll miss about "the firm":

My dearest P. Although, I will still be seeing him for the occasional date, dinner out and/or other social occasion - so while I will be losing my much beloved work husband, he will not be gone from my life.

"Mama" a/k/a "Boo" or "Grits" - no one has ever made me laugh as loud or for as long as she does, and she has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. Even if she doesn't care for my hugs, she has been a dear friend to me, especially considering we haven't really known each other that long.

The staff at the Starbucks downstairs - Best. Starbucks. Ever. Wouldn't have lasted so long if it wasn't for their sweet nectar, brewed fresh every 20 minutes.

One of my clients, Bob - perhaps the sweetest man ever that I never dated.

Oh, and the other wonderful people that are slaves to the man...I will miss their company and commiseration skills...A horrible workplace experience can bring out the hidden comedian/enne in all of us, and I'm pretty sure that it did. Especially in December. Good times.

Um, yeah. That's it. That's pretty much all I'm going to miss.

Things I'm THRILLED to leave behind:

The evil overlord of darkness. And his ridiculous wife. And their stupidly-named children. And the fountain in their front yard. I could go on, but I won't. But I'd like to.

MORTGAGE BANKING. Need I say more?

Representing an industry that doesn't understand why legislatures won't permit them to charge 18% interest on a first mortgage loan. Made me want to take a shower.

The D6 bus and the hour-plus commute. UGH.

The freezer door slamming into my wall and shaking my computer. Doesn't sound so bad, but have it happen 28 times a day and see how you like it.

Tiny paychecks and no bonuses, combined with a disingenuous boss who spends like Britney Spears on a bender.

Au revoir.

Rabbit?! I always thought I was more of a Dragon...

The Great Jeopardy! Caper

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get this together...As the story unfolds, you'll see why...

So, Monday morning I wake up, ready for my Jeopardy! audition...all is well except for the fact that sometime during the night i started coughing...and never stopped. So, I had about 2 hours of sleep. Not ideal preparation for a trivia day, but that's okay, I'll make it work. Matthew tries to persuade me to stay home, because it seems I may also have a fever. I am unmoved. I shower, and get on down to the St. Regis hotel, cough drops in hand, fueled by coffee, cigarettes, and 4 Tylenol.

About 70 of us were seated, and were put through the Jeopardy! paces by a loud, Loud, LOUD producer from the show who was really into audience participation. We watched a video (hosted by Alex and the Clue Crew, no less!) which explained the procedures. We were given an answer sheet with 50 blanks, and then the video started again. Just like real Jeopardy, with a different category for each question, which popped up on the screen. We had 8 seconds to answer each one. I think I did pretty well, especially because the last clue was a gift from God...Category: Musical Theater...In the show "Little Shop of Horrors, what kind of shop was the 'Little Shop?'" Why, a flower shop, of course. Silly.

Anyway, they graded the tests and we had to sit around and write down 5 interesting things about ourselves to be used if we made it to the next round...And after about 20 minutes, we were told that 4 people passed the written test...out of almost 70. Yikes. The rest of us were free to leave.

Alas, I was not one of the four people. Three out of the four, however, had tried out anywhere from 2 to 5 times before, and this was their first opportunity to advance. Apparently, trying out for Jeopardy! is a commitment, one that you must reaffirm year after year.

So, next year, when Jeopardy! comes to DC, I will once again be furiously seeking an audition, so that I too may advance to the part where I get to play a mock round of Jeopardy!, and use the little clicker thing. Truly, that was the biggest disappointment, not getting to hold the clicker.

What also made me feel better is that the next day, the doctor told me I had a fever of 102, and my internet self-diagnosis was confirmed by a health care professional (thanks, Cookie!) - I have whooping cough (pertussis, if it ever comes up on Jeopardy!). So, perhaps my failure to advance was due (at least in some part) to the fact that I was sick as a dog all last week. I prefer to think of it that way, actually.

The Decline of Western Civilization

Heard in Starbucks this morning: "Okay, here's your grande decaf sugar-free vanilla skim latte."

Really? What's the point?!

no·tice

Noun: 1. The act of noting or observing; perception or attention: That detail escaped my notice. 2. Respectful attention or consideration: grateful for the teacher's notice. 3. A written or printed announcement: a notice of sale. 4a. A formal announcement, notification, or warning, especially an announcement of one's intention to withdraw from an agreement or leave a job: gave my employer two weeks' notice; raised the price without notice. b. The condition of being formally warned or notified: put us on notice for chronic lateness. 5. A printed critical review, as of a play or book.

Diet Heaven

Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper....Granted, it's not as good as the "real thing" at Sonic, but it's a pretty fantastic substitute. I highly recommend it.

Better Late Than Never

I finally, FINALLY got the OC season one on DVD...and it really IS this generation's 9-0. I hate to admit it, but I'm a big fan (granted, the blood orange mimosas I've been downing all evening may have had an impact on my enthusiasm, but nevertheless). Mindless, cheezy drama...with the added bonus of Adam Brody, who is my new teen crush. I've been loving him since his "Gilmore Girls" days as Lane's long-suffering, guitar-playing boyfriend Dave, even though I'm probably 10 years older than he is, which is rather frightening.

My dearest Janie is the one who always had the crushes on the younger men - I was more of the "Aragorn! (sigh)" kind of chick, but this boy just might make me change my mind.

He's dreamy.

Oops

I'm not sure if the teleprompter was on the fritz, or whether there was an honest mistake in the crafting of the State of the Union, but it seems that our "esteemed" President forgot to mention the part about the fabulous new individual Social Security savings accounts where each of us give the money we earned from the account back to the government....I'm sure it was just an oversight.

"You'll be able to pass along the money that accumulates in your personal account, if you wish, to your children . . . or grandchildren," Bush said last night. "And best of all, the money in the account is yours, and the government can never take it away."

Um, no. Not really. Not even close. The accounts would work more like a loan from the government, to be paid back upon retirement at an inflation-adjusted 3 percent interest rate -- the interest the money would have earned if it had been invested in Treasury bonds, said Peter R. Orszag, a Social Security analyst at the Brookings Institution and a former Clinton White House economist.

Let's look at it this way (thank you, Jonathan Weisman for doing the math): If a worker sets aside $1,000 a year for 40 years, and earns 4 percent annually on investments, the account would grow to $99,800 in today's dollars, but the government would keep $78,700 -- or about 80 percent of the account. The remainder, $21,100, would be the worker's.

So, I can't touch my money until I retire, the government still gets to pick where I invest my money, and then they keep 80% of it...hmm...It sounds to me like those are almost SOCIALIST tax rates...so, you conservatives who think the government shouldn't be touching your money should think twice before jumping aboard the privatization train.

I won't even go into how relieved I feel that Shrub is planning on supporting a constitutional amendment to "protect the institution of marriage." I mean, let the liberty roll to the farthest reaches of the earth - Iraq, Iran, North Korea...but not here. No, not here.

Not if we don't like you.

By Request

So, apparently I'm being criticized (gently, but criticized nonetheless) for posting too infrequently on the bethanator blog. Hmph. Fine, then.

Weird, weird dreams last night...it's funny how your mind mooshes everything together that you were thinking about right before you went to sleep. According to my nocturnal imagination, last night, I was attending the inauguration (which I actually did), but it was at the House of Representatives Chamber (which it was not), and my ex-boyfriend was getting married there (which I'm pretty sure he isn't, at least according to my sources). Plus, the Richland High School Class of 1993 was holding their reunion at the same time...

At least I looked hot for all of the above because I was wearing a gorgeous ball gown (a strapless periwinkle number, thanks for asking), some sparkly Jimmy Choos, and had my hair done...I blame Carrie Bradshaw et al for the Jimmy Choo chapter...Netflix is a beautiful way to spend a snowy weekend.

The Circle of Life - Not Just Another Cheezy Elton John Sell-Out Song

Everyone I know is pregnant. Or wants to be. Seriously.

And that's wonderful! It's just kind of weird...you know, it's like the time when "everyone I know is applying to graduate school" or "everyone I know is getting married (which was 2003, by the way)...I know that one's peers tend to be experiencing the same "big life moments" around the same times, but when it all happens at once, it's a little overwhelming.

As for me, I'm just psyched about my Jeopardy! audition.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I love that my birthday is so close to New Year's Day...I get the two concepts wrapped up in each other, and I always feel like my birthday is a great time to start new things. This year is going to be so much different than last year...A beautifully painted house on the Hill, great new friends (as well as the original cast members - Janie, Cookie, Joely, Katie, Sarah, and Jill - who continue to delight year after year), interviews for fabulous new jobs...Yay, 29!

Last Day...

...to pretend that thirty isn't RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME. Actually, I'm completely fine with it. Tomorrow is my 29th Birthday, and I'm actually looking forward to this last year of my twenties. I think it's going to be a big one, and as long as I get to kick it off with some cake, all will be well.