Moms, Stop Reading.

Really. Just stop. Not this post, mind you, because it's witty and delightful, but stop reading stuff on the internet. On the discussion boards, on babycenter.com, the emails that send you age-appropriate developmental information about your child, just STOP.

Why stop? "I can't do this in a vacuum," you think to yourself. "I need answers! What is this rash? Is it eczema or ringworm or scarlet fever? How much formula should I be giving my baby? Is she too scrawny? Is she too chubby? Is it wrong that she's not sleeping through the night at 5 months? Is she sleeping too much and not getting enough stimulation? Should I get a sling or a front carrier? If so, which one? Organic cotton? One sized for me and a separate one for my husband? One that requires Eagle Scout-level knotting skills? Is my infant autistic because she doesn't look me straight in the eyes? Is my infant needy because she only wants me to feed her? How long should I breastfeed? Can I use Target brand formula, or do I have to use organic if I don't want her to have to wear a C cup at age 7?"

Don't get me wrong, the internet is a wonderful thing. You can find answers for nearly every question, you can keep in touch with dear friends and family who live far away, you can become friends with people who you never get the chance to meet in real life -- you can be entertained, socialized, and educated with a click of a mouse.

But this information is overload is causing a problem. To wit -- this information overload is causing ME a problem. And I don't think I'm that different than you.

I find myself asking more questions and doubting my parenting abilities merely by reading other people's questions. "I've been nursing for 9 months, and co-sleeping, I'm going to have to wean now, is that going to be a problem for her overnight feedings?" I read on one discussion board. Which made my brain start spinning in dizzying circles -- "I've been nursing for a little more than six months, and frankly, I've had enough and am ready to be done, but maybe I should keep going because everyone else is? And maybe I don't love my daughter as much as other mothers because she sleeps in her crib in her own room, and has practically since she was born, and I don't wake her to feed her and I let her sleep from 7 pm until 7 am because, dammit, I just want to watch Mad Men and relax a little and not be awakened by every sigh and snort? I must be a bad mother." Also, reading other people's discussions about which place does the best job at installing your car seat and how it's IMPERATIVE to have a certified expert put your Chicco base in your backseat...makes me think, "Hmm, we just read the directions and installed it accordingly and looked at the level indicator and it seemed just fine...is she going to be decapitated if I get into an accident because I didn't pay someone at the baby boutique an extra $250? OHMIGOD!"

There is too much information and too many choices. How many apps do we need to track every movement our kid makes? A friend just asked me which app I use...and I blanched and felt like I was making up excuses for not having my homework done..."Well, we wrote everything down for the first two weeks, and once that check-up went well we, uh... kind of stopped tracking stuff because she seemed to have gotten the whole 'eating and peeing' thing down pat." Gulp. Do I really need to have a record of every bottle, poop, and pee from the first six months? I didn't think I did. But other people do, so that makes me wonder, am I falling short? Already? Wasn't it enough that I created a vast Excel spreadsheet to figure out which stroller I should buy? And that I even put in a pivot table? But what about the 2012 stroller models? Are they better the ones I researched? Is mine obsolete? It's like trying to stay ahead of the latest computer technology, but add to it the stress of FAILING as a parent and having your kid grow up WRONG or getting BROKEN, because of something YOU DID or didn't do.

Maybe, just maybe, we're all better at this than we think we are. Maybe, JUST maybe, we don't need affirmations from strangers or breathless posts about the dangers of X and the benefits of Y to guide us through this journey of parenthood. Maybe mothers and fathers have been keeping their kids alive since time immemorial, and maybe most of them turned out pretty much okay. Maybe buying a stroller or a crib can just be a purchase, and not a life event. Maybe just reading the directions and using your own brain and the appropriate reference manual and calling your best friend or mom is enough, most of the time.

And maybe if we just stopped being on the internet frantically searching for information all day we'd have a little more time to just hang out with our kids...and that's apparently the best way to ensure that they don't grow up to be sociopaths (I think I read that online somewhere).