Instructions for Myself, at 66

As I start back to work, before getting our full-time child care arranged we are lucky to have both grandmothers volunteering for two weeks each to watch the kids. I am so appreciative of their generosity...but this phenomenon sparked a discussion with my husband about what we would like to remind ourselves of when OUR children are grown and we want to help them out. Note: these items did not necessarily originate from our own personal experiences (although some did); they are taken from ours and our dear friends and, well, common sense.

1. Offer help. Even though they're grown, sometimes your kids need your help. Ask. Maybe it's money, maybe it's your time, maybe it's just a cheerleader...but just because they're 30, doesn't mean they don't need some assistance sometimes.
2. Your grown-up children will simply not be able to spend every holiday with you. Be reasonable. Ask for  Christmas once every few years, and you'll probably get it.
3. Travel to see them. They don't have the money or the vacation time, and expecting them to haul themselves, their spouse, their kids, and all of the assorted paraphernalia halfway across the country just to see you in your home is expensive and exhausting. Buy a plane ticket, pack a carry-on bag with some comfy clothes and crafts to keep the kids busy and go to them. And no, they will not/cannot move back to your hometown, so please don't keep suggesting that.
4. Be helpful, in whatever ways they say are helpful to them - not what you think you need to do to be helpful. They may not need you to do 27 loads of laundry for them or reorganize their closet, but they may need you to just sit and feed and hold the baby for a while they do laundry and catch up with their best friend on the phone, or take a nap, or get their hair cut for the first time in five months. Whatever they need.
5. They are now parents, and you need to respect that. They are always your children, but now they're parents themselves -- don't say things to them that you wouldn't say to another adult parent that you happen to know. RESPECT that. And those grandchildren of yours? They are not your kids. It would be lovely if you would help their parents raise them in the way their parents see fit. It is not okay to undermine the parents because "you know best." Again, would you do this to some other random parent? Probably (hopefully) not...so don't do it to your kids.

Oh, there are plenty additional list items that get into many more technical details...but these are the basics. I really hope I don't get all defensive when I read this thirty years from now...I will have no one to be angry at but myself.