Is this all there is?

I've noticed something lately, a new phenomenon affecting friends and acquaintances of mine. It appears that there comes a time in a young (or not-so-young) professional's life, seemingly when they're somewhere between 35 and 40, when they take a really good, hard look at their life. Often they're married, often they have children, and often they have taken out sizable loans the size of 3 bedroom mortgages to do what is that they do every day. And maybe the vastness of time between now and retirement stretches out before them, and they think about getting up every day and doing what it is that they do, and coming home to what it is they come home to, and they think "Is this all there is?"

And then they have an epiphany. "I can't do this for the rest of my life! I'm too stressed...my job isn't meaningful...I don't see my kids...all I do is see my kids...I'm so godawful tired...I don't enjoy my job..."

Here's the thing: That's not an original epiphany. We ALL feel that way, at least some of the time. Yes, we're tired. Yes, the idea of a meaningful work/life balance is somewhat laughable as a professional in the age of internet and telecommuting. Yes, your children are growing up quickly and you miss things. Yes, what you do every day in your job, in the grand scheme of things, probably really doesn't matter much at all.

NEARLY EVERYBODY FEELS THAT WAY, AT LEAST SOME OF THE TIME.

The dirty little secret is that nobody WANTS to have to work. Nobody wants to have to get up every day and do something, no matter how fun, that is WORK.

But you do it. Because that's what being a grown-up is.

Unless you're a genius and have a great idea and work on it so hard that it becomes a raging success and Google buys it for 3 billion dollars, you're going to have to get up every day and go to work.

But in general, I get up every day and put a smile on my face and be the best cog in the corporate machine that I can be, because, at the moment, I've figured out that what I do isn't the thing that is going to fulfill me. My family, my friends, the things I do in my spare time, our vomiting codependent cats -- those are the things that matter, that are meaningful. And work makes it possible for me to have a roof over our heads and money for food and wine and the occasional vacation, and hairball treatments, so I'm just going to keep doing it. And when I think about doing something different with my professional life, I make small steps toward a new direction, because just chucking it all and becoming a graduate student again next semester would be a purely selfish thing for me to do, given my commitments. [Maybe not for you, I'm not judging -- but for me, it would be.]

Also, I hedge my bets and buy Powerball tickets when the jackpot gets over $100 million. Because I'm never going to invent the next Facebook or YouTube, and you can't win if you don't play.

Oh, This is How it Starts

That song has absolutely nothing to do with my post. For some reason, it's been in my head for the past 12 hours, and I can't get it out.

This weekend is the big dedication (that's Unitarian for "baptism") for our littlest and a cocktail party/benefit/silent auction for a local charity that my husband and I are attending. Three of the four grandparents are in town for this extravaganza, and luckily the weather is cooperating.

The only problem is, I can absolutely tell that I am going to need a weekend to recover from my weekend, yet the only thing that awaits me on the other side of all of this fun is Monday, and big piles of work.

Guess it's time to buy a Powerball ticket. Or 20.

And now you won’t stop calling me, I’m kinda busy.

Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna think anymore!

I need a little Gaga in my life today.

Working from home has its advantages, to be sure, but it does mean that I am on the phone almost all day. All day, every day -- regular phone calls, conference calls, chatty calls with the coworkers, calls to other parents re: playdates, calls to set up afterschool activities or summer camps, calls to my parents -- I AM ALWAYS ON THE PHONE.

I used to like being on the phone. I pretty much LOVED it. It was an integral part of my day. My evenings, actually -- when I lived alone, especially. Back in the day where super-cheap long distance cost $.25 per minute, I was on the phone to the tune of about $300/month. I so could not afford it. Now, it's free, and I would give ANYTHING to not have to talk on the phone.

Often, at night, I just don't pick it up. I just can't bring myself to do it. After an entire day (or WEEK) spent on the phone, I want to be untethered from its insistent technology...you know, so I can play on my iPad and read email and be on Facebook.

Of course, as a general rule, if you're reading my blog, then you're one of the people that I do pick up for. It's an elite group.