The Unintentional Irony of the Washington Post Social Reader

On my Facebook news feed this morning:


[my friends] recently read articles.

 Jay-Z Buys Daughter Blue Ivy a $600K Solid-Gold Rocking Horse 
 Social tensions increasing in US between rich, poor


 16 minutes ago via Washington Post Social Reader

Swedish Design and the Art of Not Lighting Oneself on Fire

As I'm getting ready to set up a home office, I need a desk and a chair. Ones that are comfortable, but I don't want to spend a ton of money. Plus, it has to go up to the third floor, so that's limiting in itself. As a result, we decided to make a trip to Ikea. On a Saturday. Afternoon. On a really nice warm (for winter) sunny day.


Idiots. We are idiots.


I forgot that in exchange for clean Swedish design at affordable prices, you have trade in your sanity.


I also forgot the cardinal rules of Ikea:

1. Go during the week. In the morning. If you must go on the weekend, be there for the opening of the store. Otherwise, it's mayhem. And, you can't leave your kid in Småland for more than 45 minutes on the weekend - it's double that on weekdays. That leaves you trying to harangue a small child from darting away into the merchandise, pulling throw blankets, lapdesks, extension cords, plastic cups, and numerous stuffed animals out of bins and begging, at full volume, with more than a little whine thrown in, to pleasepleaseplease buy this. Much easier to carry around the Cheesecake Factory-style beeper and stroll at your leisure. You can even sit down on an EKTORP TULLSTA and have a nice minute to yourself.
2. Figure out how long you think you will be there, then multiply by 2. If you're there on a weekend, use a multiplier of 3. There's a Madeline L'Engle-worthy wrinkle in time inside that big blue box. Nothing is at it seems.
3. Don't go hungry. Sure, you want to avail yourself of the cheap Swedish meatballs, or promise yourself that there will be a cup of decent coffee and a more than decent cinnamon roll awaiting you after checkout. However, see item 2. You may die before you get there.
4. Recognize that Ikea is the land of slow walkers and Sunday drivers and all of that will conspire to make you want to scream, loudly, for everyone to just get the hell out of your way. But you can't. And you shouldn't. Especially not in front of your five-year-old. (The baby, however, totally won't remember or judge you so feel free.)
5. Make sure there's beer or wine or whatever beverage takes some of the pain away in the fridge at home for afterwards. I don't really need to explain that one.

So now I have a lovely new home office, which will make the return to work much more enjoyable. But it's in pieces. In boxes. Heavy boxes. In the car. In the garage. Three staircases from where it will eventually be built.

Yeah, I'm not going to think about that right now.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I was thinking today about how much celebrating my birthday has changed in the past 10 years. Some things are very different at 36 than 26...I'm sure you would like to know exactly how, in a numbered and bulleted list, so I'll tell you.

1. Sleeping in (especially on my birthday) is key. Today I slept in until 9, which is a deficit of about 4 hours from birthdays in my 20s, but that small amount is even more appreciated now.
2. 10 years ago today we left for our honeymoon. I'm pretty sure I'm not leaving the house at all today, but my husband and daughter are probably going to run out and grab me an US Weekly, so I can take a bath and have some mindless entertainment as an accompaniment.
3. In 2002 my phone was ringing off the hook with birthday greetings. Today, thanks to the magic of cell phones and Facebook I have received about 3 texts and 80 wall posts, and it's been just lovely. Plus, those don't wake the baby.
4. I have kids now. That's just huge. Although I think our cats are actually needier, vomitier, and generally require more energy from us than the human children, and two of those cats were here 10 years ago.
5. When I was 26, I was in between semesters of my third year in law school. Now I'm on maternity leave...so similarly, I don't have to go anywhere, I'm wearing comfy pants and not showering. So on that front, things are pretty much the same.
6. I will be enjoying cake, coffee, and a cocktail - true then, true now.

I'm going to go and watch tv now while I run on the treadmill. Now that I'm this old, I guess it'll have to be reruns of Matlock.

20 days left

I was going to accomplish so many things while on maternity leave. Such as: sort, classify and prettify the past 6 years' worth of digital pictures, make significant progress on the draft of my collaborative witchy-teen novel, exercise almost every day, get the house complete clean and organized, and write a billion baby gift thank you notes. I have 20 days left and I think I really accomplished two things in the past 12 weeks.

1) I kept the baby alive, and
2) I bought a Keurig.

And the Christmas cards, as mentioned in a previous post, I guess those count too...I'll be bragging about that until at least May.

Taking procrastination to a whole new level.

Really? It's been more than two years since I've blogged? Huh. I have excuses for the past three months - move to a new state, new baby, all of that...but the two years prior, well, I was probably just tired.

But now I have a new computer, and that's always inspiring, isn't it? Like a new sheet of paper - fresh, lined, with a perfect pen next to it, full of possibilities - but significantly more expensive.

I did send out Christmas cards this year, for the first time in...well, wait...let me think...ever? I had to make a list from scratch, so yeah, probably ever. They were lovely though.

Time to take a shower...on maternity leave, that really doesn't occur as much as I would like it to, so I will seize my opportunity while I can.

Long Time Gone

First post in over a year...please excuse my indolence. Some of my friends have been blogging up a storm, and it's been so entertaining to read that I just have to get back into it myself. Maybe it's a competitive thing...Anyway, not much new here, still in New York, still working at the massive financial services media conglomerate, still have the beautiful funny daughter and the wonderful husband, and three cats in a space built for two fewer.

There will be more amusing posts than this one, to be sure, but I'll start small tonight. Rome wasn't built in a day and all that...

You're the inspiration...

...Well, The Republican inspired me to blog a little bit...I will happily resume, especially when I know someone is reading. I do have a few questions, though, first. To wit:

1) Who do I know in Plano? Is Verizon routing someone's internet through the southwest, or is someone down there really reading me? If so, who are you? Do I know you? Am I entertaining? Introduce yourself, say hi!

2) Why do people defend being single-issue voters but then bitch about the consequences? I mean, if [abortion] [the environment] [Israel] [low taxes] [universal healthcare] is all you care about, and you vote accordingly, then I don't want to hear you complain about everything else that your chosen candidate does. If that's all you want, that's all you get, and that's your fault for being so narrow. The world is a little bigger than that, in case you haven't noticed.

3) In our lifetime? Apparently so. And I can't wait.

4) Can people be 30+ years old and really be that immature? Really? Huh.

That's it for now...Ella, get your mommy to read this to you.

Ready? Let's Roll Into Something New

You know, every time I'm at the gym, I either hear The Killers on my ipod or I see them on the fancy little tv attached to my treadmill...and it really drives home the fact that I *heart* Brandon Flowers. Sigh. He is so dreamy. SO dreamy. especially in the Mr. Brightside video.

And why am I still awake, watching Bring It On Again? Clearly, my husband is out of town, because there is no way he would stand for this.

China all the way to New York

Day 6 of M's business trip to Hong Kong...but he's coming home any minute! It was just weird to have him be on the other side of the world, literally. Every night when we spoke before I went to bed, he was in the middle of morning meetings. I did continually ask him, "So what does Tuesday look like? Am I going to enjoy it? Did you get the lottery numbers already?" You know, important stuff. I think he's jetlagged beyond words right now, although thankfully he had some pretty awesome business class seats that recline fully flat.

Say my name, say my name...

Apparently, my name is quite confusing to people from other countries. And some Americans even seem to have trouble with it.

Since I started working at the United Nations, I have been called "Befany," "Stephanie," "Beverly" (which was really appalling, because that guy is an American whom I emailed many times and had multiple conversations with, and was formally introduced to - what's it going to take?!), and my personal favorite mistaken name of all time, "Daphne." I'm kind of digging Daphne. Maybe she could be my alter ego? One of the guys I work with says that when things don't get done, we should all just blame it on Beverly. "Wasn't Beverly supposed to do that?" "Is Beverly even IN today?"

To say nothing of the 2 men so far who have referred to me over email as "Mr." Repeatedly.

Daphne is getting a little irritated. As is בֵּית עַנְיָה.

Long Time Gone

I'm going to appropriate the titling procedure of a fabulous acquaintance of mine, whose "savvy mom" blog is captioned with song lyrics...something that my friend Janie and I did a lot of in days past, so I was reminded of how much fun that is.

Anyway, what a long time between posts! Here's what's up - we've landed in New York, living on the Upper East Side. M loves his job, and I was appointed to a position at the United Nations, which (if the first week is any indication) will be a remarkably interesting experience. I guess I just can't get away from civil service...V has a nanny, a wonderful woman from Jamaica who takes great care of her (and yes, we are paying taxes on that).

We've had so many visitors already, at least 5 to my count, plus some that didn't stay with us, and many more to come in the next few weeks. New York is great, I still can't believe that we live here! And luckily, we already have friends here, from law school and high school, which have made the transition that much easier. We enjoyed a wicked game of 500 last night, with lots and lots of Oktoberfest beer and the traditional Pim's with lemonade. Sooooooooo.......that's life in the big city so far...more to come.

And the winner is....

New York City! Manhattan, to be exact. We leave in about 3 weeks. Actually, V and the cats and I leave in 3 weeks...M is already there 4 days a week. Thank goodness for Amtrak. It's hard to believe that in less than a month, we'll be living on the Upper East Side...with a Thai place, coffee shop and sushi restaurant each less than a block away!!! Heaven. Pure heaven. And for what we're paying, it'd better be.

Oh dear...

Once there were no options....now there are many....how's this going to play out?!

Another day, another interview...

Looks like someone is popular! Things are moving along much more quickly than expected...this might all be settled by Memorial Day!

So it begins...again...

Today was the first in-person, different-city interview for M in his quest for a new job. Up the coast a little ways, go a little east, and there you are...Boston. Seems like things went well today, and for his first trip to the city, he seemed to like it just fine. So, one down, two more to go (potentially)...and we'll see if we end up a few hours north on I-95 in Boston or NYC, or all the way out west in Seattle. At this point, your guess is as good as mine.

I'm obsessed.

It's kind of horrifying and wonderful, all at the same time. I don't want to watch tv - we have 5 episodes of Battlestar languishing on our DVR - nor do I want to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm head-over-heels in love with Tiger Woods PGA Tour 07. No, I'm not a 15 year old boy. Yet, here I am.

And since we got a new controller yesterday (apparently, our other one was played out over the last week or so), suddenly I'm winning it all. So sweet!

Of course, I should be working on Vivian's baby book...but Tiger beckons...

Guess What I Did, Y'All?!

Wow. I mean, you just can't make this stuff up. Poor Britney. Who knew the change in my heading would have been so prescient? Actually, I give Bill Simmons all of the credit, seeing as it is his quote and all. The man's a genius.

A matter of taste.

So we finally got around to seeing Match Point. It was pretty good, a little long - we both got tired of seeing Nola whining and behaving like a desperate shrew - but we were both really pleasantly surprised by the twist at the end. Didn't expect it, but liked it. Much better than I (and my husband) had anticipated.

However....

Still don't see what the big fuss is over Scarlett Johansson in this film. She's pretty, sure, and she's got a pretty filled-out chest that doesn't appear to be artificially enhanced...and I can definitely see her as a Lancome or Estee Lauder spokesmodel with her glowing skin...but I don't understand how people keep saying that she blew their minds, is the hottest woman ever, etc. For example, Matthew and I have had this conversation at least 6 times with various people:

One of us: Well, who do you think is hot?
One of them: Scarlett Johansson.
One of us: Really? I disagree.
One of them: Have you seen Match Point?

Well, we've seen Match Point now, and I perhaps find her even less attractive than I did before.

What's the obsession? [and please don't answer that unless you have actual new information to share, because I believe I've heard it already] Why do people think she's the most beautiful/most alluring/sexiest woman in the world? Because her character told you so in the movie? Because she talks like she has a cold? Because she has boobs? Or because we blindly trust Woody Allen and his excellent taste in women? Yes, she's beautiful; yes, she's not an unnatural weight; yes, she is well-maintained and a good actress; but no, she hasn't changed my life, and I'm okay with that. And so should you be.

Updating

The time has come to add new links to the list, and maybe cull a few of the old. Washingtonienne? Old news. Democrats.org? Well, now that EVERYBODY hates the administration, I don't feel so special anymore. So, to that end...

Pink is the new blog. Oh, I could gossip about my friends and loved ones -- Someone recently came into some (well-deserved) money, someone else gave an anonymous tip that may bring down a government official (again, well-deserved), someone might get a job on the other side of the country (also well-deserved, I guess this is a theme) -- Now, that's all well and good, but you probably don't know them...so celebrity gossip is more likely the thing that binds us.

IMDB. Don't watch tv without it. This has added a whole new level of interactivity to my television habit.

Fabulous baby clothes...and toys. How come my mother didn't buy me this stuff when I was little?

There she is...the winner of the competition hosted by the world's largest provider of scholarship assistance for young women...

This year, I only watched the last 15 minutes of the Miss America pageant. Well, that's not exactly true - I kept pausing it and reading the biographies of the contestants. Who knew there were so many musical theater and vocal performance majors that also want to be attorneys and governors and veterinarians and broadway performers? At the same time?! Yeah, I wish I was making that up.

Anyway, of the final three, Miss Georgia (a teacher who wants to eventually be an elementary school principal) gave the VERY BEST answer...by far...to an inane question that went something like "What would you do if you were President of the United States?" She answered the question succinctly, with a bit of humor, and then a nice zinger at the end re: No Child Left Behind, and how children are tested too much. Nice! The other two (Miss America and first-runner up, respectively)...were shallow, incoherent, ill-informed, and...let's just say shining examples of why the United States lags behind most industrial nations in educational achievement. Good thing Miss Oklahoma is winning that $50,000 college scholarship...

Wait, I get it, I get it!! How silly of me...Miss America is a NEED-BASED scholarship organization!!!! I wish someone had told me sooner.